Tag Archives: Cool Notes

Lager Lager Lager

This popular live fave Cool Notes rant was in New Youth zine, number 2, 1983.

Harp (adapted from the TV. Lager advert)

I was drinking harp down the local, when what should I see ….
but a tasty little blonde piece standing not far from me.
So I casually strolled up to her, and with a smile and a wink…
took a swig of Harp, and offered her a drink.
Her reply rather shocked me:… “I don’t drink piss like that”
“so you can stuff your bloody Harp you smarmy looking prat”.
Well I looked a right burk, and felt twice as bad ….
this never happens to those blokes in the TV. ads.
I asked what had upset her. Was it something that I’d said… ??
and she grabbed my glass of harp, and smashed it over my head.!!
So with blood pouring down my fave I’d better warn you…
that the message in these ads is really very true…
“HARP:…. STAYS SHARP TO THE BOTTOM OF THE GLASS…”

Kool Knotes 82

Kool Knotes, Porky, Anna Joy David, and Flipper

Trendy Social Workers

Ginger John in Jamming! (the monthly version), number 24, January, 1985.
The poems that month were picked by Richard ‘Cool Notes’ Edwards.

Hummm OK Yarrrrr!!!!

Totally opposed to the modern modes
Of the hipsters way of life
You can see them in the streets
The candidates of chic
Cos they’re Harpers and Bizarre on my life.

They’re trendy social workers
With their Citroens and calculators
And the Guardian tucked
Underneath their arms.

They wear multi-coloured jumpers
Hush Puppies or bumpers
And safari suits
That make you wanna cry.

An’ they’re always in the boozer
An’ it turns into manoeuvres
When you try to get some beer
An’ they’re in flight.

About all the donations
They’ve made to starving nations
An’ the peace camps
They’ve visited for an hour.

They’re the total social misfit
A social democrat candidate
A cheese and wine party bore
They’re the Hoooo Ray Henry’s
The Tupperware trendies
The Habitat habit forming bores
An’ you know them
When you see them
Cos you always hear them screaming.
Hummm OK Yahhhhh!!!!

Ginger John

Street Cred Spikey Head

Punk poem in Jamming! (the monthly version), number 24, January, 1985.
The poems that month were picked by Richard ‘Cool Notes’ Edwards.

Packaged Street Cred From a Spikey Head

This is about people who think that their
appearance is a threat to the system, yet
Banks and big business are using that
appearance to attract more young
customers.

He’s got the biggest mohican you’ve ever seen
With a pin through his nose he looks really mean
He’s an advertising manager’s dream!
Have you got 10p? then open an account
We’re not fussy we’ll take any amount
It must be true because the advert said it
You get discount on Discharge and Crass on credit
TSB… the bank that likes to say
Ye… s-s-s-s!!
Because your rebellion is our success.
The TSB have got real street cred,
With a pair of DM’s and a shaven head.

Her hair is a blend of blue and green.
The tattoos on her neck look really obscene.
She’s an advertising manager’s dream.

Midland bank, the listening bank.
You’d be surprised what we listen to.
It’s hard core thrash when we’re taking your cash.
Our manager likes Conflict… our Griffin sniffs glue.
We’ll put up with that awful racket,
We’ll be the sponsors on your leather jacket,
If you promise to invest half of your pay packet.
Stop where you see the sign of the Black Horse,
We’ll take you for a ride… on a new race course.
There’s no limit to how much you can borrow,
Because the loans of today are the debts of tomorrow.

If you see them on the street they’d make you scream…
‘Anarchy in the UK.’ and ‘God Save the Queen’.
They’re the advertising manager’s dream.

It’s the advertising,
That’s patronising
It’s not surprising,
That they’re the advertising manager’s dream.
You might look a rebel, but never forget,
It’s not the way you look that makes you a threat.
It’s what you think and what you do,
So don’t let anybody package you!!!

Debbie Baker

Hooligans Abroad

One of the earliest books on football hooliganism reviewed in Jamming! number 21, October, 1984, by Richard ‘Cool Notes’ Edwards.

Hooligans Abroad: The Behaviour and Control of Emglish Football Fans in Continental Europe by John Williams/Eric Dunning/Patrick Murphy (Routledge and Keegan Paul £8.95)

it seems rather ironic that three sociologists from Leicester University can attempt to solve the sickening problem of violence involving English supporters abroad after the FA, the clubs, the police, the courts, and UEFA have all failed. The authors avoid the usual mistakes of intellectuals trying to study ‘the proles’, by travelling and socializing with the fans, (even to the extent of getting arrested) and keeping the surveys and data to a minimum.
Though the majority of the book is balanced, there is an underlying biased complacency common in this country towards the trouble caused by English supporters aboad. There is also a heavy and sometimes almost naive emphasis on the social background of the offenders (‘The Lower Working Class’), but the authors do well to expose some of the less obvious factors that add to the problem.
Finally, the authors suggest a series of measures that might help prevent future trouble. These include colour coding match tickets for different supporters; only issuing tickets through club or FA travel schemes linked with a photo card membership; greater co-operation with foreign clubs and police forces over travel, ticket allocation, and segregation of fans; and the use of stewards on all trips abroad to supervise fans and report any trouble makers to the travel clubs.
Of course such measures wil have pitfalls, and it is sad that there must be restrictions at all, yet the growing threat of expulsion of English clubs demands that we face up to the problem and solve it. This book cannot provide all the answers but it is a step in the right direction.

Richard Edwards